The Lore of Ye Olde Cyber Monday

Gather round, children, if ye seek to know the true tale of how Cyber Monday came to be. Surely you have received missives from merchants hitherty thither, writ large in shouty caps. What of this Cyber Monday? And why this messaging of such urgency? Pray thee listen to the lore, for we will conjure the spirit of ye olden and golden days of the separation of our labors from home and hearth.

You see, our pocket robots were not always the tyrants you have known them to be! There was a time, beloveds, long before the metalsmiths made rings to debase your sleep debt, when your forebearers would venture home from their workbenches and be internet-less for entire stretches upon the Lord’s day. It may bemuse you, but I assure you, it was a splendid time to be alive. 

What’s that? How ever did we know how to cook? Why, we consulted the dusty, hardbound tomes full of recipes!

From whence did our intelligence come about hailing a carriage for hire, or to ply foodstuffs from hucksters who would deliver to our cottage door? And further, how did we navigate cobbled streets without so much as Mapquest directions from the scribe or block printer? Work emergencies? O’er week’s ending? It’s a mystery, fair ones, how we managed at all, even now….

And yet, it was our great delight to venture forth, after the ale and frivolity of Thanksgiving, to resume industry at our workbenches on Monday morn. We as the noble cobblers and scriveners and spurriers of our era, were verily eager to poach the High Speed Internet afforded by our proprietors and masters! Oh how those websites of the shoesmiths and milliners sparked and unfurled so fluidly, like the scrolls of the town criers! Caught in the world wide web’s thrall were we--simply mesmerized by the wares of the merchants! The skills of the online peddlers, what with their sterling promises that if we merely bought five pieces of crockery, we would receive one pot compliments of the potter. Imagine? To live so high on the hog. The expiry of those sales threatened action, post-haste, lest we tarry. 

Thus was Cyber Monday. 

What may escape ye, though, is the vernacular of “cyber.” For while it may seem an innocuous term, or even obsolete term by any stretch of your modern imagination, now, know this, Buckleshoe McGee: This word once carried a heft to it. It was an adjective seasoned with not only salt, but savory spices. Ay! It was even once a verb! Goodie Prynne and Reverend Dimmesdale were well-aquainted with its implications. The Googleman can illuminate you, should you crave to know more. 

Although ye may no longer observe this high holiday, I pray ye mark with gratitude the omnipresence of Lightning Fast Interwebs of which your generation benefits and brain rots in equal parts. I encourage your support of our robust economy, children. I pray ye acquire a host of trinkets and other novelty items that will catch your fancy, this and every Cyber Monday in this brave new world!!  

The Skincare Routine No One Asked For

No one:
Absolutely nobody:
Kendra Stanton Lee: Here are the products that I use to keep my skin clean and supple. They may contain affiliate links, but please let me know if you have questions!

A little background: I have 45 years of experience living in a human body on planet earth. I have rosacea. I have never utilized any facial service that entail needles/injections. I have gotten one facial in my life and I heard doves fluttering and angels weeping—it was so beautiful. When I am not daydreaming about that facial, I am doing the following:

MORNING:
Morning Kendra has limited cognitions and deeply resents having to be vertical before 10 a.m.. She believes she deserves a lifetime achievement award for remembering to take her probiotic each morning. While she has been told a morning cleanse would benefit her, she thinks that sounds aggressive.

1. SPRAY OF ROSE WATER MIST to wake up the skin
This one by Mario Badescu is affordable and gets the job done.

2. VITAMIN C
The “sunshine in a bottle” All Bright Vitamin C Serum by Counter is bar none the best. Comes in a glass bottle to protect the early expiry on this magic potion. This is your anti-oxidant fighter formula. It’s spendy, but I have truly seen a difference in the glowiness of my skin.

3. MOISTURIZER
Don’t skip this step. If you skip this step, you will run into the mother of the boy you had a feverish crush on his high school, and she will report back to him that you were looking a little reptilian when she clocked you in the dog food aisle at Stop n’ Shop. Moisturize. Sometimes I like a carrier blend oil, sometimes I use a basic moisturizer like Counter’s Adaptive Moisture Lotion.

4. SPF
Of course I wear an SPF. My skin turns red if I walk by a styrofoam model of the solar system. I like this Korean brand, Innisfree, which is high-coverage and non-greasy. If you prefer a tinted SPF, Supergoop is sort of the gold standard. I like it, as well.

Skincare is Self-care

And fortunately, mine is simple

EVENING:
Evening Kendra is no more nimble than Morning Kendra. However, she has the presence of mind to know she should put her cleanser on before she goes into the shower. She slathers on a pump of:

1. Lipid Defense Cleansing Oil - it’s thick enough that it gets the makeup off, but gentle enough that it’s not stripping my skin of its natural oils. Works well, smells lovely.

After my shower, I finish with:
2. Paula’s Choice Exfoliator - This is the biggest difference-maker in the bunch. Life before this exfoliator is simply not as baby’s butt smoove. But I only use it a few times a week because hashtag sensitive.

3. Retinaural Advanced Super Serum - gentler than a retinol, I really like the idea of this serum. I am told it’s reparative and will improve the elasticity of my skin. I do what I’m told.

4. Moisturizer, repeat.

5. Hyaluronic Acid - this one by The Ordinary is inexpensive. I know the skincare sages are offended by it, because it’s for the peasants, but it’s worked really nicely for my peasant skin.

These are all my boudoir secrets. I had once hoped to be a woman of great mystique and aloofness. Those dreams are dashed. When I die, though, I’ll have told my story.

Boyz II Men II Grandpas

I saw Boyz II Men perform at the MGM in Boston the other night. Somehow I’m not engaged to any of the Boyz and am in fact still single and driving Uber. I’m just as surprised as you are.

Oh but the show was so good for the soul. I expected it would be, but I could not have imagined how restorative, how actually radical an act going to see a live performance of songs that colored all of my middle and high school years would be. At one point, Shawn Stockman told everyone to turn to the person on their left, and to the other on their right, and to tell them WE’RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME TONIGHT. Which is the opposite of what we were all doing when we were swaying awkwardly at a junior high dance in a dusty gym to “On Bended Knee.” Restoration comes, sometimes three decades later.

The crowd looked like me, and by that I mean everyone in the crowd all once made mixtapes without a sense of irony. They all once called their home answering machine to see if their crush left them a message while they were out at the mall, eating Boardwalk Fries in the food court while their mom tried on shoes at Dillard’s. Or while their sister perused the stickers in Spencer’s Gifts. Or while their friend returned some flannel boxers to the Gap. The venue was filled with a diversity of people of every size, shape, color, and no doubt creed but we were all paying homage to the religion that was Motown Philly in the early 90s, when life wasn’t ruled by cellphone ringtones but rather by smoooooove riddems.

Boyz II Men lost its bass along the way, and I don’t mean they lost him to the grave or anything so dramatic. I just understand he no longer performs with the group. Still, the remaining trio were still strong performers. They were all still in great shape, they danced well, they sounded amazing.

Also, they were so unbelievably dorky. And I loved them for it. Because the songs they were singing were largely syrupy ballads, but they all still held up. They were never singing just about young love and fading crushes. They were always musicians with sophisticated vocal abilities. But the trio also weren’t putting out new songs, or doing new things. They were still trotting out “End of the Road” knowing there were no new roads to begin traveling. They had no ego about who they were, and why they mattered to all these Gen Xers gathered together for such a time as this. At the end of the show, the Boyz just lingered on stage. They didn’t need to sprint off to convince us all they were Tokyo-bound tomorrow morning. They just shook hands and slapped skin with the fans who had kept them crooning all these years.

They owned that this musical canon was their bread and butter and it endeared them to people around the world. I think that’s beautiful. They kept making jokes about everyone in the building needing to sit down, or not having the agility to clap, and how they didn’t have anything better to do for the next 33 years so they might as well do this. They all looked foiiiiine, so, trust, I still don’t know why they played up their elderly status. I also still don’t understand how I went home without at least one BoyzIIMan, but there are still a few weeks until Valentine’s. I’ll be accepting any and all mixtapes with a sprinkle of Boyz’ ballads.