The story that makes my students so embarrassed for me

I didn't have an e-mail address before college. Why would I have needed one? If I needed to invite a ton of people over to the beatnik party at my mom's basement, I could just call all those people. Which I did. Call all those people whose phone numbers I had memorized.  And then when my friend Dave recorded the beatnik sessions in my mom's basement, he just sent me the cassette tape of it in the mail. Not as an mp3 attachment. Also, we didn't have internet at my mom's house when I was in high school, so what was the point, anyway. It seemed to me that the kids who had internet at home, AOL, which was shortened from America Online (so cool), just frittered away all of their time in chat rooms with strangers who went by the name PeachFuzz234 or AussieBabe49. 1996. Life and times.

When I got to college, I got an e-mail address and would write the whole e-mail in the subject line. The vastness of the world wide web was skull-splitting for me. I watched as people could gamely conduct web searches and deduce what other movies certain stars had appeared in, rather just wondering for a few months if that was really Drew Barrymore as the little sister in E.T. and finally getting the movie out at the library and confirming, wow, yes, that really does appear to be a young Drew Barrymore.

That first semester of college, I bought a new desktop computer that occupied 75% of my desk. It took me roughly three weeks to assemble it and to get the internet hooked up and my friend Steve from the floor below visited my room daily just to make fun of my total grandma approach to technology. Hi Steve. Hugsies.

But by far, the moment that most crystallizes how I was a child who came of age just as the internet was emerging as our mainstream information source, it is this:

I walked down the hall to the bathroom and stopped short at the door of my hallmate Keira's room. The door was open and she and her roomie Kathy were cracking up about something, but what caught my attention was a piece of paper hanging from Kathy's bookshelf. On the paper was a picture of 3 marshmallow chicks peeps. It was clearly a print-out from your standard issue deskjet printer. But I just stood there, wondering how this got there, like they were harboring a bona fide unicorn in their dorm room. There was a picture of marshmallow peeps on a piece of paper. And Keira and Kathy had printed it out themselves.

My cognitions had ground to a halt.  I could not understand.

This was where the neurons started misfiring for me. Because, I understood how things got printed out of a printer from a computer, say, like from a word processing document. But how did the marshmallow peeps get into the computer and then get through the printer and onto paper? What did I get on my SATs? What? Why do you ask?

I asked Keira, How did you do that?

With a printer, she said.

I know, but how did you get the picture of the peeps? Did you take the picture?

No, I just found them on a website.

You found them on a ...

Then you printed them out and now there are marshmallows cut into bunny shapes dipped in sugar in a one-dimensional jpeg on a piece of recycled paper.

My world was never. Never. The same.

Greetings from Downton Madi #downton

Greetings. My name is Lady Louella. I reside at Downton Abbey, but am presently on holiday at Downton Madi, to be closer to the seaside. I am fortunate that although these quarters are modest, I do have a ladies' maid who travels with me; she assists me with all of my wardrobing. I don't know what I might do if she off and became a cleric or joined the Civil Service. Perish the thought!

My ladies' maid always knows what is in fashion for high tea; I trust her sensibilities implicitly. She isn't like other peasant folks I have encountered in the past, mucking around in their ratty britches. My ladies' maid understands couture of the highest order. Thank heavens.

We often enjoy luncheon in town. Afterwards, we will sometimes enjoy a leisurely painting session in the small studio down the lane from Downton Madi.

Although it may appear common, I do so enjoy taking an afternoon constitutional with one of the house canines. It is good sport and the fresh air is quickening to my extremities.

In the evenings, I often pen a letter to my dear cousin Trixie to inquire as to how she is getting on with so many Labour party activists vying for a patch of land from a Tory loyalist like herself. I've advised her to cease being trifled with all of that and to come visit me here at Downton Madi where she might meet a young bloke in the Royal Navy. Wouldn't that be terribly clever?

I then retire to my quarters and enjoy a long slumber with the sounds of the seaside crashing against my bonny cottage. fair Downton Madi.

3 ways #frozen gets it right about older sisters

You know I am the mother of a young daughter and therefore I was practically conscripted to see "Frozen" which...was not a chore at all.  In spite of the absurdly small waists and absurdly big doe eyes of the main characters Ana and Elsa, I enjoyed it immensely. I know you have all overdosed on the soundtrack and have gone back to watch it in 3D and you are SUCH a fangirl of the girl power message of the film, but, to quote Princess Anna, "Can I say something crazy?" Because I really think our heroine is Elsa. And here are 3 reasons why (spoiler alert):

1. Elsa gives up a life of interaction in order to shield her little sister Anna from harm.

This is what older sisters do. We have powers that can be used for good or evil--okay, so all of us do. By virtue of being an elder sister, though, we are endowed with a special blend of power and pressure. We pave the way for things. We break our parents in. We are the kids that they test their flashcards on, their ability to negotiate The Terms of Things with us. They tell us stuff, much of which we wish they didn't. We overhear things and we work awfully hard, just like Elsa does, to shield our younger sibling(s) from these truths.

Anna doesn't understand this and she gets all the sympathy when she has no one to help her build a snowman. What she doesn't understand, of course, is that the person who can help her build the best snowman, to help her have the most fun making the coolest things, also has the power to destroy everything, and this is really really painful for older siblings. We want so much to be cool with everything, to give our sibs rides places and teach them stuff that no one else is going to teach them, but we know too much. We know the consequences and they are grave.

2. Elsa has to grieve alone, grow up alone, accept the throne alone.

Think about Princes William and Harry for a moment. Who's allowed to be the baller? Who's allowed to run amok in college, to keep calm and frat boy on?

Harry, right? He's the younger one. He's free to be. William, on the other hand, he's no Free Willy. He has to be upstanding. Everyone knows he's heir to the throne. He carries the burden of eldership, of mentorship. He can't disgrace the crown in the same way a younger sibling can, a younger sibling who is not as accountable to the lineage as directly as big bro is.

Anna, as the younger sister, could conceivably have left the castle gates and pursued friendships and romantic relationships freely. Instead, we are led to believe that she stays inside the castle until Elsa's coronation. Elsa, however, was quarantined to her room so as not to harm anyone with her powers to freeze minds and hearts.

I have felt this way for at least 3,004 years. As the oldest of my siblings and all of my cousins, I wish the I did not have to be the first one to leave home, to go to college, to get married, to have children. Okay, so I didn't HAVE to do all those things. I could have waited, but I chose to do all those things when I did, and that was first in line (I think? Anyone else get secretly knocked up? I'll find out somehow, I'm the oldest, afterall.) There's just something appealing about someone else setting up shop in the Promised Land and sending you a postcard "Awaiting your arrival--xoxo, Your Older, Wiser Cousin."

Anna is the supposed hero of the film because she saves Arendelle. But she's also terribly hasty and impulsive and creates a whole lotta mess in her wake. Elsa abandons the kingdom, sure. But she also has the best of intentions in secluding herself because she knows a few things, like how you shouldn't get engaged to some guy the same night you meet him at a party.

Older sisters, and maybe all older siblings, know they are under the microscope. They know their decisions can't be rash because too many people are affected, too much residue will trickle down. Elsa is a neutral character in Hans Christian Andersen's "Snow Queen" tale, but Elsa is rewritten as a protagonist in the Disney adaptation. In "Let it Go (The Reprise)," she tells Anna, "Go back home/Your life awaits/Go enjoy the sun and/Open up the gates."  I just don't think you can argue that it takes guts to live alone and it's lonely at the top (of the mountain and the siblings pile).

3. Elsa still listens to Anna.

Her love for Anna does not trump her ability to pull rank on Anna. She listens and cares and knows that ceasing the eternal winter is her job. But she is not so arrogant as to say, "I've got this." In fact, Elsa says the opposite. She doesn't know how to cease winter. Still, she cares enough about her kingdom and her sister to leave the mountain where she is safe among her frozen sculptures to go try and remedy the deep freeze with Anna. This is also an accurate portrayal of elder sibling heroics. We know we are better with and because of our little sibs. They give us the courage to do what we need to do. They believe in us enough that we can carpe diem or carpe frozen, as the case may be.

I am forever indebted to my siblings for teaching me humility most especially, among other virtues. For loving me when I was and am undeserving. And for sitting with me in the 2nd row of "Frozen" along with my munchkins :)