Bring on 'da anti-Funk

This week, this job of teaching has been unusually easy for me. I never say that. Usually I get through a class and have pit stains under my shirt because diagramming sentences is apparently an aerobic activity. But this was a rare week. I didn't have much prep because I had already taught these concepts before. I just came to class, I taught the things, and the students smiled. Or they slept. Let's be real, plenty of them slept. It's that last full week before spring break. They need to sleep during the day, not sleep at night, and then they need to go on spring break. When they come back, their bodies will be here but their brains will never fully come back from spring break. It's a natural rule of the order of the academic year.

And who can blame them? The brains. They would rather live in Jamaica, don't you think? :)

I exaggerate. I teach such bright people. I was just grateful that this week had been without the usual helping of drama or pocket full of stressies. Oosh. All so bad for my complexion.

*** This is not to say that I wasn't in a bit of a tired funk this afternoon when I was coming up the driveway, carrying my boring piece of credit card mail. I said a prayer, the length of a mere three heartbeats, God, can you just turn me inside out? I hate feeling funky like this.

And then two little sunbursts met me halfway. The girl was running clumsily and I realized that it was because she had lost one of her shoes but it didn't stop her. The boy was racing after her and he realized that what his big sister was doing looked like fun, clever idea this one-shoe running, so I watched as he paused and kicked off one shoe, all the while smiling, and then my heart swelled as two half-shoeless sunbursts crashed right into me, blessing my heart and answering my prayer in three heartbeats.

Check-up

I was watching a video of 18 month-old Baby Girl today, and just that 1 minute 30 second of poorly captured bathtime frivolity reminded me of how much I had forgotten. Like how instead of saying, "Ciao!" she used to say "Bye, Chow!" like there was this invisible playmate named Chow who followed us around and only wished for an occasional adieu. So I thought I'd offer myself and anyone else who can bear the unremarkableness a little check-up on the fambam at this present moment in time, January 2013. *** Mr. Loverpants IMG_0646

Working: hard at building up his client load to about 10/week. Teaching 2 courses this semester. Reading: the usual mixed cocktail of Boston Globe, Chatt Times Free Press, NYT, Slate, etc. Exercising: regularly, and playing frisbee just about every weekend Learning: about teaching Aging and Society Enjoying: riding the motorino all over town

Baby Girl IMG_0760

Working: hard on teaching Little Man to express emotions through words instead of pushing hands Reading: short books with simple vowel/consonants! Exercising: at swim lessons which begin soon! Learning: how to pray with intention rather than just repetition Enjoying: My Little Ponies and drawing unicorns, particularly ones with legwarmers

Little Man IMG_0640

Working: on staying in his own bed all night long. Reading: books involving vehicles of any kind. Exercising: by running, running in all directions, as children are wont to do Learning: how to sing church songs--he has such a sweet voice! Enjoying: Thomas the Train ad nauseum, building tracks and playacting scenes with Baby Girl.

Kendra leaves3

Working: to stay organized and on top of grading--so far this has been the most focused semester. Reading: a book on antiquing by Maureen Stanton and finally reading A Thousand Gifts Exercising: trying to hit hot yoga once/week and running 4-6 mi/week, some weight training Learning: more about design, typography, and the publishing industry Enjoying: getting crafty with my kiddies, watching NBC Parenthood and of course Downton Abbey Season 3

Somebody I used to know

The reason why Gotye’s “Somebody I Used to Know” became a smash hit this past year is no mystery. It’s an extremely cathartic song. The lyrics, composed by the talented Belgian-Australian artist, are a mix of bitter words and wistful memories. The instrumentals are a light and steady percussion and then--boom. The refrain. Whether you were in the throes of a rocky break-up or were just keying into distant memories of a relationship’s demise, you may have found yourself joining in with the band to that highly emotional, “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know!”

Or. Or you may have read the lyrics and realized that these are the same words that God will never say.

This thought visited upon me one night while driving. Unable to escape Gotye no matter how many times I turned the radio dial, I welcomed the song after a series of difficult conversations with co-workers and friends. I felt good and right and completely entitled to write off all the distress. And then God pressed on my heart as I held the steering wheel, “But you are still known to me.”

In that moment, I felt meek--a feeling that is largely foreign to a bold gal like myself. A feeling that is mostly absent from Gotye’s song. I felt meek and small and held by a God to whom I had not surrendered so many burdens and tenuous relationships. Instead I had marched assuredly along, living by my wits, relying on my own strength, subconsciously “addicted to a certain kind of sadness” as Gotye writes.

But God in His tenderness plucked the strings of my own heart’s instrument and sang, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jer 1:5). He knew me; He was involved in my life before I was consciously involved with Him.

And though I turn against Him, over and over, like Gotye’s frenemy, God reminds me in no uncertain terms that He will forgive me; that He won’t even remember my offenses! (Heb. 8:12)

God is such a matchless friend.

Still I utter flip prayers and feeble worship, telling the Lord in so many words that I barely care to know Him, “And I don't even need your love.” Yet, He does not forsake me. He knows me, my thoughts, my attitudes. He knows how sharply He needs to drive His word into my hardened heart--so sharply that even my soul and spirit are separated from each other (Heb. 4:12).

I need to know, though, what if? What if this relationship becomes too heavy for me? What if the Lord ask too much of me? Can I run? Can I change my number? Can I escape His call?

God answers, once again, that He has known me. He knows the bleary hour when I get out of bed. He sees the dull glow of my laptop keeping me awake at night. He knows my habits, the thoughts in my head. (Psalm 139).

God’s got my number. I cannot be unlisted from Him. I cannot put Him on privacy restrictions from my status updates. I cannot successfully block Him and report Him as spam in my inbox.

All of my usual defenses become white flags of surrender to God, omnipotent God, from whom even the darkness cannot hide (Ps 139:12).

My earthly relationships will fade and fail me. I can erase every trace of them, take down the pictures and throw away the souvenirs.

But not God.

The very manner in which He created humanity shows His desire to be close to us, to keep us hemmed in within a splendid garden. It was not God’s desire that we would be banished from this garden; He never intended for a break-up when we would clear out and find somewhere else to crash.

God’s love is diametrically opposed to the kind that says we, His beloved, are just people He used to know. He created us in love and has given us the free will to drive fast on country roads in the dark, windows down, crying out along with the refrain of a rock song by an artist we’ve never met.

As the song ends, perhaps we feel both the relief and the emptiness that follow a catharsis. We are aware that we are alone, with no musical accompaniment.

One solid chord rings out:

“And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world” (Mt 28:20).