Transcript from an Essential Oils Addiction Recovery Meeting

Meeting called to order at 7:01 p.m. FACILITATOR: So when did we know our habit had reached the point of no return? Marvin? Did you feel like sharing?

MARVIN: Sure. I guess I knew it when I found myself hoarding essential oils, just buying large vats of eucalyptus oil, worried that the world’s supply might run out and then I wouldn’t have a remedy for a stuffy nose. And then what? You know?

FACILITATOR: Sure. Aubrey?

AUBREY: For me, my rock bottom was realizing I couldn’t cover the world in essential oils the way I wanted to. I would dream about pumping coriander onto my kids’ slip n’ slide. I seriously considered power-washing my house with dill. And after awhile, thyme was curing my husband’s sleep apnea so well that I considered getting a water bed but filling it with essential oils. I mean--who does that? Do they even make waterbeds anymore?

GABE: I hear you, Aubrey. I loved the Thanksgiving blend so much I put it in an enema, and...yeah.

JAN: Enema! Ha! That’s child’s play. By the end I was sniffing, snorting, and shooting melaleuca any way I could get it. I’d go really hard at my spin class and eventually the teacher would ask if anyone else smelled tree sap in the room. I was so embarrassed but I couldn’t stop.

SUSAN: Uh-huh, well for me it was when I just couldn’t stop commenting on every Facebook thread about how oils were the answer. I started to see every status message as a cry for help, like, Please give me some essential lavender!

[knowing laughter ensues]

FACILITATOR: And then what happened, Susan?

SUSAN: Well after accusing so many of my friends of having Munchausen syndrome by proxy for using cough syrup when their kids got sick, most of my Facebook friends blocked me. And no one would come to my oils parties anymore. So I would just spend hours on Pinterest learning more about oils and staring at other people’s oils parties. Which, I know is sad, but it’s not like I was mixing up meth in a trailer in the desert….

FACILITATOR: Remember, though, Susan, qualifying our addictions as not as bad as others’ may inhibit the healing process.

SUSAN: Oh, I know all about the healing process. Do you have any thieves oil at home? You just start with a few drops of thieves oil in a diffuser. I personally like the generic one they sell on Amazon. You diffuse that for 24 hours and rub 2 drops of lemon along with a carrier oil on your big toe and --

FACILITATOR: Um, Susan, yeah, what I’m hearing from you right now is a real attachment to your oils, which we are trying to break free from. Because for so many of us, the pursuit of essential oils has ruined our lives.

SUSAN: I’m sorry. [starts crying.]

AUBREY: Here’s a tissue, Susan.

FACILITATOR: Wait, Aubrey--

SUSAN: Aubrey? [sniffling] Is this tissue infused with eucalyptus?

AUBREY: Oh--

MARVIN: Here, let me check. If anybody here can spot the smell of eucalyptus…

FACILITATOR: Oh no!

AUBREY: [starts crying] I’m sorry. I thought eucalyptus was like methadone and would help me with the withdrawals.

MARVIN: HAHA! Give me that tissue.

FACILITATOR: Hey, everybody, let’s go have some punch and popcorn.

AUBREY: [sobbing] I spiked the punch with peppermint.

JAN: Yeah, sorry, I sprinkled oregano on the popcorn.

FACILITATOR: This is ridiculous! None of you are actually taking steps toward your recovery! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

SUSAN: Well I don’t know. It’s kind of like old times. It’s like you all showed up to my oils party. And just like every other time, nobody bought anything because they already had it all at home.

Meeting adjourned at 7:14 p.m.

Genus. Species. Cookies.

"Mama, are cookies omavores?" "Um, omnivores eat cookies."

"Oh, [Baby Girl] doesn't want to be an omnivore anymore," said Little Man, skittering off with a bag of cookies.

*** "I'm so glad I'm a mammal. Because horses are mammals, too." - Baby Girl, reminding me that animal classification is one of the oft-forgotten thankfulnesses of this sweet life.

 

When I'm all about that cause...and that cause is kinda all about me

I never knew that Martin Luther King made a segue to Cleveland, OH in the midst of his third attempt to march from Selma to Montgomery. He flew mid-march (as opposed to mid-March) to CLE in order to offer a testimonial at the Nobel Peace Prize dinner where he was honored in 1964. The newspapers said his feet were badly blistered from walking for days. The headline read that he was barely able to walk, so badly was he limping. Have you ever walked with a limp because of a cause for which you were walking, literally or figuratively?

When I was in high school, I burned my candle at both ends over every cause. Every ticket was sold out in my naive conservative heart to saving the unborn, the whales, that remote village in Tibet. I was so overbooked and overachieving that I eventually lost pounds and hair that I couldn't afford to lose. I was an 83 lb. mess. I walked with a limp.

The difference is that MLK's cause depended on him and his team to lead the revolution. My causes would still march on to their proverbial Montgomeries without me.

[tweet bird="yes"]I wonder how many of us are behind causes that need us?[/tweet] That would actually fizzle if not for our dedication?

***

I'm 10 days into a 30 day water challenge. I am replacing my favorite fluids of coffee, soda with 70 oz. a day of H20. My skin looks better but the struggle is real. I still have a huge crush on coffee. I am not alone, it would appear.

I scan my Instagram. Pictures of familiar faces flushed, at the end of the finish line of their 10K. I see Facebook feeds full of Crossfit selfies, Tweets hashtagged with #P90X, Snapchats from Pure Barre, and everyone I know in the First World has recently sworn off gluten, allergies or otherwise.

These are our causes, the fights we fight, the shows about which we tell. These causes are worthy and life-changing--don't get me wrong. But at first blush, it would appear that these causes are all about bettering ourselves. Project Self achieved, (Selfie, Appendix A).

***

And old friend is dedicating the next year to the handstand. I am loving Jon's project which he is chronicling on the 'gram. His reflections are thoughtful and far from precious. What good can come from gaining another perspective, one, in fact, that revolves one's world a whole 180 degrees?

http://instagram.com/p/yYQuq-rNh0/?modal=true

Jon's project rocked my navel gaze. I realized that Project Self is often a step toward Something Greater Than Self.  First we cut out cookies. Then we go help the Girl Scouts sell 'em. In my case, I'm still hovering in phase I. Sometimes my fight is bigger than self and sometimes it is just so basically about wanting a latte.

I like to believe there are many causes that I support but which don't cause me to limp, nor will they fizzle if I step away. To name a few: the end to human trafficking, the right to observe religious liberty, the right to equal pay for equal work.

Still, there are other causes, much less organized and publicized which might suffer if not for my marching: my children, my marriage, my students. They are too much a part of me to walk away from them--it is hard to walk away from one's very self. So I will keep marching and feeling all the glory of the limp I develop.

The good news is that I get to keep the causes in the next life, marching to Zion, maybe even breaking into a run.