Exhaling with a sigh

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My old man, who ran for judge as a Republican once in one of the most Democratic counties, kept sighing. He and my stepmom took turns. One would sit down in a reading chair in our rented beach cottage over Thanksgiving and sigh. The other would nod and shrug. Then the other would read something or remember the impending doom and exhale with another sigh. It was comical but then the shtick became something of a default, a modus operandi.

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We are still exhaling with a sigh in this house as we consider January's inauguration, and the requisite exit of beloved leadership. It is with a sigh we concede that the electoral process has wrought what it has wrought. We sigh because our resignation feels like all we can offer to the universe, for if we allow the anger and the feelings of betrayal to rise too forcefully to the surface, they may consume us.

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Yet here we are in the season of Advent, lighting the candles of expectation. Here we wait in this lobby, not just paging through a tattered back issue of Good Housekeeping, but sitting reverently as we ponder what it must have been to wait for the Christ child's arrival. We think about the thousands of years when creation ached for a Savior who would set all things right. "And the government will rest on his shoulders." All the earth groaned with expectation.

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I consider that sighing is not the motion of the expectant, the hopeful, the conquerors. Sighing is the reflex of the resigned.

Christ offers us so much more than a lobby for the lukewarm to wait out a president. He bids us come and rest awhile, but also to serve, to go into all the world and make his name known.

Am I mixing my politics with my priestly priorities? I hope not. I believe in rendering to Caesar what is Caesar's and to the Lord what is his in kind. But I also believe that one can apply a particular philosophy to a number of life's endeavors. So I endeavor for my citizenship to be one that, like love, believes in all things, hopes in all things, and, in the way of love, never fails.

May our resignation turn to resolution as the new year offers so much hope.

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All the pictures we did not take

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We rented paddleboards on the Tennessee River this past weekend and there are no pictures to prove it. We took the kids and we met up with dear friends, but you won't see any selfies of our imperfect formation in the wake of a passing motorboat. We traded kids and played in eddies and explored McClellan Island. We balanced and wobbled, we fell in and then we dove in. But there is no hashtag #riverlife to accompany the nonexistent Instagram post. We didn't have our cameras. We didn't bring anything save for our sunglasses and our holiday spirits. Here in this digital space, The Blog or whatever is most en vogue to call it, I purport to preserve life's moments and lessons. But this all is a pantomime, a chasing after the wind with a plastic bag from Tarjay. I am merely a scribe pressing key to pad, uploading and downloading, but never truly etching anything of real permanence. Nothing is solidified in amber here. There is no fire to singe or moth to destroy this album. There is also no firewall strong enough nor anti-viral software to guarantee its immortality.

 

This past weekend, we smelled all the seasons of putrid sweat that our life preservers absorbed. And we tried to absorb the life that we could not preserve.

There was no perfect filter to best capture the glistening waves, the silhouette of the Market Street Bridge.

No likes, no faves, no hearts, no mentions; only the feeling of total insignificance against nature's majesty. And the wonder of having captured nothing but being filled up full of every good thing.

The kids' maiden Uber voyage

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The other day, the kids rode in their first Uber. Baby Girl had a scrape on her foot and James, the Uber driver, had OH MY STARS MOM A FIRST AID KIT WAITING JUST FOR ME!!! Little Man whispered to me, "Mom, he voted," as James the Driver had stuck an "I Voted" sticker on his dash. I told James that my son saluted his civic practice, and Little Man asked for whom he voted and then I was all, Don't ask that, Son, because secret ballot, and James said, "I can tell you who I voted for...Bernie Sanders." James drove an Outback Subaru with a moon roof that was cranked all the way open on a perfect day with a perfect breeze. I can see the future, taking the kids to Banff and drinking glacier water, scaling Kilmonjaro, maybe even getting Little Man to eat a vegetable and I know what it all amounts to.

"That was cool, Mom. But it will never be better than our first Uber ride. Never."

You, too, can take $15 off your first Uber ride. Download the Uber app use this code: kendras589ue

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Happy Ubering