2016 recap

I like the rhythm of asking myself the same questions over and over again, so here's the survey I usually do at EOY. 1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? The two biggest newnesses were: a.) Starting a new job in marketing at a private school. b.) Spending Thanksgiving at Tybee.

Also memorable this past year were: Surprising my old man upon his reception of the Bellarmine Award. Watching Loverpants get sworn in as an American citizen Watching my brother-in-law get remarried in a beautiful garden wedding. Taking a couple of weeks to see my parents this summer, just the kids and I. Reconnecting with my cousin Carrie and sharing in the joy of her pregnancy.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I tried so hard to focus on nutrition and staying injury free. I fully embraced cold-pressed juice as part of my lifestyle and I did pretty well to stay injury free. I ran 2 5ks (one in TN, one in GA). I am still overweight but I can't let myself get too sad about it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Congrazzles to Carrie on welcoming Murphy Sloane! #birfmurph Totally enamored of little Nika Joy, too, the daughter of my friend Kessia Reyne.

4. Did anyone close to you die? I'm extra grateful to answer no this year.

5. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? Time to write, write, write for pleasure.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Opening my Etsy shop. It has connected me meaningfully to a craft that I enjoy and to a community that uplifts me + other makers.

7. What was your biggest failure? My book deal fell apart after a year of working and waiting. I see it as a failure of a small publisher that bit off more than it could chew. I suppose I failed to pursue other avenues but I can't change what I didn't know.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? Earlier in the year, I spent a lot of time at the acupuncturist for a foot injury. Good times.

9. What was the best thing you bought? I purchased a student membership to the Modern Calligraphy Summit. Game changer.

10. What did you get really excited about? I thought the DNC was a remarkable showcase of the Democratic party's strength. Loved speeches by my future BFF Michelle Obama, former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm. Also was surprised by "Stranger Things" on Netflix.

11. What was the best book you read this year? Fiction: Peace Like a River, Eligible: A modern retelling of Pride and Prejudice Non-Fiction: Loitering: New and Collected Essays, Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted

12. Compared to this time last year, are you: – happier or sadder? I have a lot to be happy about – thinner or fatter? Fatter – richer or poorer? Paid down some debt, so...woop!

13. What was your favorite TV program? This is Us Stranger Things

14. What was your favorite music from this year? https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/home/productlinks/customize?asin=B00U0YD5L2&request_source=quicklinks&subflow=sp_ The Hamilton Mixtape (Edited) CAN'T STOP THE FEELING! (Original Song From DreamWorks Animation's ''Trolls'')

15. What were your favorite films of the year? Really wasn't able to catch as many films as we would have liked. I know we saw "Race" in the theater. I think "13th" on Netflix should be required viewing for every American. Zootopia was important.

16. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? On my 36th birthday, I had a great weekend. My hubby got me some wonderful books and took the kids and me to a new favorite for brunch.

17. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. The depths to which people are capable of furthering evil are staggering, but not as great as they are able to achieve reconciliation. And that's beautiful to me.

All the pictures we did not take

We rented paddleboards on the Tennessee River this past weekend and there are no pictures to prove it. We took the kids and we met up with dear friends, but you won't see any selfies of our imperfect formation in the wake of a passing motorboat. We traded kids and played in eddies and explored McClellan Island. We balanced and wobbled, we fell in and then we dove in. But there is no hashtag #riverlife to accompany the nonexistent Instagram post. We didn't have our cameras. We didn't bring anything save for our sunglasses and our holiday spirits. Here in this digital space, The Blog or whatever is most en vogue to call it, I purport to preserve life's moments and lessons. But this all is a pantomime, a chasing after the wind with a plastic bag from Tarjay. I am merely a scribe pressing key to pad, uploading and downloading, but never truly etching anything of real permanence. Nothing is solidified in amber here. There is no fire to singe or moth to destroy this album. There is also no firewall strong enough nor anti-viral software to guarantee its immortality.

This past weekend, we smelled all the seasons of putrid sweat that our life preservers absorbed. And we tried to absorb the life that we could not preserve.

There was no perfect filter to best capture the glistening waves, the silhouette of the Market Street Bridge.

No likes, no faves, no hearts, no mentions; only the feeling of total insignificance against nature's majesty. And the wonder of having captured nothing but being filled up full of every good thing.

Drinking Icees, Slurping up forgiveness.

I check my Swatch watch when I wake up. It's darling but it always needs to be wound so the time can't be right. I putz about the bathroom and find my other watch. Oh mercy. The kids are both still in their pajamas. They've probably watched 286 cartoons between the two of them today.

"Guys, Mommy slept in. It's already noon. I'm so sorry." "WHAT?!" "We missed my swim lesson?!" "I know. I'm so sorry." "WE WASTED THE WHOLE DAY!" "No, baby, we just wasted the morning. Mommy forgot to set her alarm." "Mommmmmaaa, I wanted to go to my swim lesson!" "I know. How about I make it up to you and we can go to Lake Winnie today."

***

The kids are moving in slow motion and all I want to do is reverse the clock, sit down and eat a bowl of granola and drink coffee and not feel frantic. Swimsuits elude us. Applying sunscreen is work.

"What's going on, Little Man? Can I help you?" "Mom, I just feel grumpy." I'm proud that he has accessed a feeling instead of casting blame. I sound like a self-esteem manual from 1989. "Mom, I'm grumpy because I'm sad I didn't get to go to swim lessons." "I know, Son. I hope you can forgive me. I messed up." "I forgive you."

***

We are walking back to the car. We have laughed, we have floated on the lazy river inner tubes several times. We have eaten funnel cake. We have had a good day. "Mom, I'm still really upset I didn't get to go to my swim lesson today." I don't remind him that he got to shoot down a colossal waterslide, drink a giant Icee, and ride all the rollercoasters he could handle for the last six hours. I don't tell him that a whole afternoon at Lake Winnie beats any doggie-paddle lesson any day. Instead I tell him the thing about forgiveness that is so hard to do. "If you forgive someone, you can't keep bringing it up. You know just like how God says when He forgives us, He casts our sins into the sea and doesn't remember them anymore?" "Yeah." "That's what we have to do."

***

The next day he is unlocking the front door and turns to me as he opens it. "I forgive you for sleeping through my swim lessons, Mom."

***

The day after that, he hugs me unbidden and says, "I still forgive you for sleeping through my swim lessons, Mom."