January Pep Talk

You! You long ugly 31 days are only ONE MONTH. Do you understand that?

You are but a vapor!

I know you! I've lived through 31 of you. You try to suck my ever living soul from out of my eardrums.

And you know what?

This year?

Not going to happen!

No sir!

I am OVER YOU, January!

Can you even deal with that in your heart, January?

You with your gray skies, all moping around like a disaffected overprivileged teenager. What's that? Bored with your toys from Christmas already, January?

Oh yeah! Well I've got news for you.

Take it somewhere else!

You are not going to force me to take 2 power naps a day just to survive.

I am NOT going to have to mind over matter the eating of Nutty Bar snack cakes for dinner.

I REFUSE to cast the stink-eye at the tan girl who got her hairs braided in the Bahamas over MLK weekend who is idling in the grocery store talking loudly on her iPhone about her 47 day cleanse (THEN WHY ARE YOU BUYING MORE FOOD?)

January? You are NOTHING. You are DEAD TO ME.

You mean zero dollars and zero cents rounded to the zeroeth power.

I will not fall down. I will not let you batter me. I will be the Frida Kahlo of January.

I don't know what that means. But January.

Get thee behind me.

There are too many awesomenesses to celebrate right now.