Lovey Loverpants and I are not a perfect couple, but we usually maintain a level of decency behind closed doors that does not involve the pulling of kitchen knives nor the shredding of bedsheets, though our tempers may escalate. Lovey is generally more mild-mannered than I, but I hear that since he is an Aries, he can go from calm to excited very quickly. I, on the other hand, am neurotic by nature. I ride a frequency wave that most mood-o-meters would indicate as Borderline Spazz. Hence, I wisely partnered with a man that is the easy-going yin to my hyperactive yang. Yestereve, however, all decency was forgotten. I'm not sure how to preface this except by listing the following realities of late:

1.) For the last few months, my sleep has been interrupted every night by the need to pee every 4 hours. 2.) For the last few months, my sleep has been interrupted a couple nights a week by my husband's medical pager going off, sometimes more than once in one night. 3.) For the last few months, my sleep has been interrupted by my husband's re-emergence into bed after responding to the emergencies that warranted the page.

In short, I've not enjoyed the kind of sleep that is prescribed for the pregnant. And this makes me a delightfully hormonal crankybutt.

Last night, my husband texted me from the ER while I was in class. He was having his knee X-rayed after a particularly idiotic heroic spill during his ultimate frisbee game. After it became clear that the triaging, X-raying, etc. was going to take a while, I went home and waited for his call for a ride home. At 11p.m., decent man that he is, he suggested I go to bed and he'd just take a taxi home. At 12:30a.m. I heard a door unlock and the sound of someone slipping into his bathroom. "JOHN?" I asked. "JOHN?" I yelled. "JOHN!!!" I shouted like Bastion in "The Neverending Story" so that the walls of our home shook.

No answer. I heard the shower.

I cried his name through the bathroom door once again. My naked husband emerged.

I then went into the bathroom yelling something that was probably highly complimentary and highly reflective of the kind of darling I can be.

And then I did something that I have never done to anyone out of anger, but which I suddenly felt compelled to do to my husband whom I would later learn had ridden his bike home from the ER with a swollen knee.

I turned off the light on my husband with the swollen knee in the shower.


And then, without turning it back on, I went back to sleep.