So in the future life trajectory where I get to choose my own adventure? I want to pick the door marked Much Adored Traveling Poet. I want to ride in an eco-bus around the country, wearing fetching scarfs and reading my poems to a small indie crop of beloved fans who ask me to dedicate my books in hot pink ink, all the while homeschooling Baby Girl in truck stops with transfatless cherry pie and coffee shops with wifi (and yes, the previous rhyme did not elude me), and flying Lovey Loverpants out for weekend junkets where we all go hiking in the Rockies or sidewalk chalking in San Francisco. But of course life on the road would get old so I'd only want to do this during the school year. The summers I'd like to be a camp director at a camp called something like Camp Shamrock where the object of every obstacle course is not to win but to help the fat kid get over the wall and where the food is so good you never get homesick. Ask me what I'm doing to make this adventure a reality.

I'm practicing for the poet part.

At the Bigfoot Research Institute, at a party hosted by Yelp.

I've already got the best fans in the whole freaking world.