Yesterday I was in Babies R Expensive with Baby Girl when a store clerk prowled cat-on-a-hit-tin-roof up to us and waved at the baby and told me she was so cute. The next thing I know, I am wheeling Baby Girl in the shopping cart which is empty of the things we are here for, over to the kiddie portrait corral for our complimentary session. Another name for "complimentary session" in baby consumerism land is called "Making a sucker out of parents who might also believe that Chia Pets can fly if you tell them their kid is super cute." Now, if you've kept up with this website, it is clear that this baby's life does not lack for photos. It is possible that she will suffer the residual effects of Flashy Spot in her vision's peripheral if I keep up shutterbugging her grimace with the frequency and gusto that I have to date.
But somehow, I just can't have enough.
And what amazes me is that she was in her pajamas yesterday.
With spaghetti stains around her face and up near her eyebrows and possibly in her hair.
And the photo clerk pulled down this snowy backdrop with a big Christmas tree.
She was probably expecting my child to lay down all cherubic, like a docile Christ child in a manger, the glint from the flash captured like stars in her eyes.
And quickly it became clear that the clerk had picked the wrong kid. And by wrong kid, she could clearly surmise that my child was a little less "The Little Match Girl", a little more "The Worst Christmas Pageant Ever."
Because my babeh don't stay still.
She doesn't have a still bone in her. In fact, she has a bright future as a hockey goalie, so flailing are her arms, so vigilant her eyes, so ready to dive off a photo platform for a soaring puck at any time.
But as I watched Baby Girl get into it, work it work it love it...
The thought occurred to me.
Baby Girl has never experienced Christmas.
She doesn't know the baby in a manger, the little drummer boy. She doesn't even know what a Chia Pet is.
But something must have clicked.
I mean...it just must have!
Because yesterday, we stuck her on a photo platform with a Christmassy background.
And something registered.
Not the Santa who texts on his Blackberry, but the Santa who waves.
Waves a lot.
I know this because of what happened when we poised that little trollop in front of the camera and said "Christmas photo" and flashed some lights--
I'll tell you what happened.
Why don't I just show you?
My child is a genius.