I should preface this by saying that whenever I am invited to have a meal with a Korean elder in his/her home, I am always a hot mess. Meals with Korean elders generally make me wicked nervous. I'm not a big rice consumer, strike the first.
I like to do a lot of talking at mealtimes; most Korean elders, particularly my husband's grandma, are not a fan of this young whippersnapper at the table.
Strike the third is that I'm nursing right now so I can't eat kim chee. Oh please. That's like going to Disney World and hoping you don't see Mickey.
INTERLUDE: I know you're waiting for me to say that I don't know how to use chopsticks, but I am actually an accomplished utensilist of the sticks. END: INTERLUDE.
The fourth and perhaps the chief offense is that I am extremely prone to giggles whenever there is a sobering silence about an occasion. I think this is the recovering Catholic in me. Reverence compels laughter. I'm terrible.
So the first dinner of my thirties took place at a place we were never meant to be. Our friend Ellie, whose wedding we were attending, forgot to call us and tell us the dress rehearsal dinner had been canceled. So over the river and through the woods and past many a pasture of grazing cows went we to her auntie's house. When we arrived, her auntie spoke with Loverpants, Loverpants did the shrug and wave, and, because we had driven an hour into the nether regions of North Carolina, the auntie welcomed us into her home for a simple Korean meal.
Cue Kendra failing at life.
Loverpants asked the uncle the elevation and acreage of his land. Time passed. We ate the most delicious peaches ever. Baby Girl looked for toys. Little Man milk-bombed me a few dozen times.
I sat and fed Little Man and at one point I looked up and said, Lovey? Come here for a minute. We looked up and saw a picture of the uncle and auntie's kids. OMG. It was in that moment we discovered that these were Loverpants' friend Gloria's parents. We were eating a meal of peaches and not enough rice and no kim chee for me, thank you, in the home of Gloria's parents, Gloria who was cousins with Ellie, information we never knew until we crashed the party that never was, at this house in the boonvillia of North Carolina.
What were we doing here????
Cue Baby Girl stripping off all of her clothes, running around in a circle in the kitchen. Cue these nice people wondering who were these strange striptease artists were who rolled up claiming to know their daughter. Cue Kendra laughing. Cue the FamiLee leaving.