Never Too Old
/There is a grandmother at our church whom I have always feared. She is not a cute little old lady. She is little and probably pushing 80-85, but sinewy, you know? She is thin, but I bet she could go demolition derby on her bike over some garbage cans if she wanted. I guess this because true to form, as a Korean elder, she doesn't really have to apologize if she bowls me over. And she doesn't. She is my elder. So when she pushes me out of her way, I submit, albeit surprised every time that SHE JUST SHOVED ME OUT THE WAY AT CHURCH! Lately, though, my heart has softened towards this granny, because she has sought out my baby like she was Tom Hanks and Baby Girl was Private Ryan. When she sees Baby Girl, her usually sour expression goes from one where I suspect she wants to spit on me to that of unbridled joy, of warmth, of a tender kind of delight. She has sometimes snatched Baby Girl out of my arms to hold her up and marvel at something, I say something because it is all in Korean and I do not understand all of it yet. But I am guessing she is saying that Baby Girl is the cutest baby who ever lived, that is just my guess.
This past sabbath, this granny was leading intercessory prayer and she began to cry. I couldn't see her face because I was in a kneeling eyes-closed position, but I heard her voice start to waver and then really tremble in this surprising and beautiful way. Later that day, Lovey Loverpants said, "How 'bout Grandma crying during prayer? She was praying for the youth and for the church and she was getting all emotional." At that moment, I said, "We should all cry during prayer," and I realized that I wanted to be just like this granny when I am her age, if I reach her age. I want to be confident of my place in the world, of my eldership, but I want my face to melt into a large marshmallowy rainbow when I see a baby, I want my heart still to be able to be so broken and touched by a need for prayer that it causes me to tear up and for my voice to quiver in front of a whole church of people. I want to have her wisdom and her assurance but also her vulnerability. Lord that I might one day be half the granny that she is today.
***
Speaking of tears...
If you give a baby a cellphone...
She'll probably want to eat it...
And then she'll cry when you take it away....
Life's tough. But cellphones are expensive. And not good for eating, anyway.
P.S. I didn't really give her my cellphone for photo staging purposes. I gave it to her because she wanted to call in her pledge to NPR.
