Check-up

I was watching a video of 18 month-old Baby Girl today, and just that 1 minute 30 second of poorly captured bathtime frivolity reminded me of how much I had forgotten. Like how instead of saying, "Ciao!" she used to say "Bye, Chow!" like there was this invisible playmate named Chow who followed us around and only wished for an occasional adieu. So I thought I'd offer myself and anyone else who can bear the unremarkableness a little check-up on the fambam at this present moment in time, January 2013. *** Mr. Loverpants

Working: hard at building up his client load to about 10/week. Teaching 2 courses this semester. Reading: the usual mixed cocktail of Boston Globe, Chatt Times Free Press, NYT, Slate, etc. Exercising: regularly, and playing frisbee just about every weekend Learning: about teaching Aging and Society Enjoying: riding the motorino all over town

Baby Girl

Working: hard on teaching Little Man to express emotions through words instead of pushing hands Reading: short books with simple vowel/consonants! Exercising: at swim lessons which begin soon! Learning: how to pray with intention rather than just repetition Enjoying: My Little Ponies and drawing unicorns, particularly ones with legwarmers

Little Man

Working: on staying in his own bed all night long. Reading: books involving vehicles of any kind. Exercising: by running, running in all directions, as children are wont to do Learning: how to sing church songs--he has such a sweet voice! Enjoying: Thomas the Train ad nauseum, building tracks and playacting scenes with Baby Girl.

Kendra

Working: to stay organized and on top of grading--so far this has been the most focused semester. Reading: a book on antiquing by Maureen Stanton and finally reading A Thousand Gifts Exercising: trying to hit hot yoga once/week and running 4-6 mi/week, some weight training Learning: more about design, typography, and the publishing industry Enjoying: getting crafty with my kiddies, watching NBC Parenthood and of course Downton Abbey Season 3

What am I

Dear Baby Girl, The other day you asked me, "Mama, what am I?" and I knew this was the kind of question that upends shelves full of books on the matter.

So I said, "You mean, a girl?" even though I knew that wasn't what you were asking. I was stalling.

You said, "No, I mean, like what country?" and this clumsily worded question had the power to stretch me and search me and wring me out like a wet dishrag.

Because the question you asked me was without precedence. The question of what country are you. One minute we were clipping your fingernails and the next moment you are asking me about geography.

At the time, I answered something like, "You're American."

But given more time to let the question marinade, I thought you should know that the question is not mine to answer.

You see, my bright daughter, the answer is yours to define.

Do you know what a country is? A country is a sovereign nation, a place defined by borders, marked by mountains, valleys, plateaus, bodies of water. Countries reside on invisible latitudes and lines of longitude. Their climates are often dictated by these lines. I know this is all a bit advanced for you right now. But countries have come to be because of countless decisions. Decisions to go to war to fight for territories large or small. Decisions to establish peace and neutrality. Decisions to rule over or surrender. Decisions to outlaw or make free.

So the question of what country you are might seem irrelevant for a sweet faced creature as yourself, whose mass is not defined by invisible lines, whose gross national product is not a measured in per capita. But if you were a country, I hope you would be the kind that stands strong along its borders, that knows what values define her, that builds a just government and sustains a vibrant economy and encourages innovation. I know you would be a beautiful country, with an ever-changing climate. You would be one that uses her resources wisely, that participates, that gives, that shows up to solve the problem when no other country can or will.

And if we are really honest here, the question of what country you are was probably more about a place of origin, right? You were asking me what nationality you were. Probably because someone asked what country you were from, probably because that person thought that nationality and ethnicity were the same thing. Probably because that person thinks Asians should only have brown eyes and black hair, probably because that person doesn't know what that we're all multi-ethnic anyway.

These are big words, aren't they? They are big words that represent complex ideas and experiences. What I have learned in 32 years of studying these ideas and experiencing them in a way that is more armchair sociologist than it is academic, is that the complexity is The Story. And it is always about the story. A story is a process that becomes a narrative and the ending might be a whole new beginning of another story. You are writing your own story and it is not mine to tell.

The next time someone asks you what country you are, you can tell him that you are still writing the story about that one.

Or. Or you can just skitter off and sharpen your colored pencils like you did the other night when I stood with a nail clipper in my hand and a question dangling like a retro phone off the hook.

Love,

Mama

A short wish list

In no particular order, my wish list, dear Santa: - For the faceless nameless banks who own our Boston real estate to approve our short sale. - For Millennials to use "literally" sparingly & appropriately. - For the cancerous cells attacking someone I deeply love to take a permanent vacation. - For Ryan on "Parenthood" to magically overcome his PTSD and marry Amber and let them have billions of babies with buzzcuts. - For more Bikram yoga, fresh guacamole, and AFAR Magazine in my life. - For inspiration to finish my manuscript. - For Michelle Obama and Terry Gross to become my best friends. - For a little dusting of snow. - For a sounder understanding of what I am doing here. - For a Fulbright to the South of France to research its beaches and pastry. - For photos of bikini betties standing in a conga line sucking in their stomachs to be banned from Facebook. - For my children to keep greeting me like Rosie O'Donnell greeted Tom Cruise on her show in 1996. - For Fifty Shades of Gray to disappear. - For my husband to keep loving me something fierce in spite of the frequent loss of my keys and glasses. - For my keys and glasses to not so frequently disappear. - For the Mac spinning wheel of death to only happen to pretty people. Just kidding. Haha, but imagine! - For the whole thing with Syria and Israel and Palestine and other sovereign nations along the Mediterranean to really just work it out for once and for all. - For students to cease beginning questions with, "So did you want us to...?" - For more love in my heart and less cavities in my teeth.

What about you?

*** Baby Girl's sabbath school class has been playacting out the Nativity story. She was underwhelmed by the role of Wise Man toting myrrh.

The role of Mary was truly impressive, however.

They were so cute in antlers, trust.