#2014 recap

I like the rhythm of asking myself the same questions over and over again, so here's the survey I usually do at EOY. 1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? The two biggest newnesses were: a.) going to Minneapolis where I made awesome friends at writers camp b.) launching my own column on Nooga.com.

Also memorable this past year were: Met Lauren Winner. Started my fourth consecutive year working at the same place. Taught a new class just for first year students. Witnessed one of my sibbies get married. Toured Graceland. Moving and having lots of meltdowns about it.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
 I tried so hard to get into the best shape of my life. The silver lining is that when I couldn't because I kept getting injured, I learned that I was anemic. Knowledge is such power.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
 Yes, and I am especially ecstatic about the first of my cousins to become a parent. Congrazzles to Ryan and Rachel on the gorgeous Claire!

4. Did anyone close to you die? I'm so extra grateful to answer no this year.

5. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? A book deal.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 Writing a bimonthly column has been so life-giving to me. It has connected me with community members in ways I had not yet anticipated, and my love for Chattanooga has grown immeasurably.

7. What was your biggest failure? I learned some things about teaching this year that were major blows to my ego but I don't call learning from shortcomings "a biggest failure." Just learning to fail forward, as it were.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? see #2

9. What was the best thing you bought? Um, Just Dance 4 for the Wii is pretty fabulous.

10. What did you get really excited about? My sister TP got married Sarah Koenig is absolutely blowing the doors off investigative journalism with Serial.

11. What was the best book you read this year?

close ranking:

12. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 – happier or sadder? I have a lot to be happy about – thinner or fatter? Fatter – richer or poorer? About the same

13. What was your favorite TV program? Parenthood The Good Wife Orange is the New Black Season II

14. What was your favorite music from this year?
 Ryan Adams' newest Bethel Church "It is Well"

15. What were your favorite films of the year? I really liked "Liberal Arts," "Thanks for Sharing," and "One Day"--all on Netflix. Honestly, Big Hero 6 was absolutely adorable.

16. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? On my 34th birthday, I went to a staff meeting and accompanied my hubby at the hospital when his finger got dislocated.

17. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
 I am a better mom when I am in educating-mode versus rebuking-mode. Majoring in the former makes the latter more impactful.

In which I talk about what's happening with my book

"What's happening with your book?" I get that a lot. In addition to, "How did you get your hair to do that cool thing?" and "Are you sure that's how 'research' is pronounced?" Or from my students: "Did you grade all the things yet?" Or from my kids: "Do we have any of those Spiderman fruit snacks left?"

I'm good for an equal measure of answers. Dunno. Maybe. Still foggy on that one. Okay?

But the book question plagues me a lot and so I thought I'd lay it out bare. Here's what's happening with my book.

You may remember how I wrote a spiritual memoir about my intercultural marriage. And how I got an agent and she turned out to be wonderful. She helped me craft a killer proposal and she submitted it to two full rounds of Christian publishers. My agent has been as kind and thorough as she has been prayerful.

Her positude has made a huge difference because the road to finding a publisher can be quite negative. Waiting and waiting seems to beget more waiting and then the door one's been knocking on opens quickly and then closes. The rejection feels rare and fresh every time. It's been a long process of all of that. All said, I've been pouring my guts into this book--the writing and the pitching and the proposing for about three years.

After two rounds of rejections from publishers, here are three things I've learned:

1. I am not Oprah. I am not Oprah's best friend Gayle. I am not Joel Osteen or his wife or anyone whom they'd remember in the Osteen will. Ergo, I am not famous and a book deal isn't going to fall into my lap. My platform, the invisible box upon which I stand to promote my ideas, is pretty microscopic compared to others who score big book deals. This is an obvious hurdle and not one to easily dismiss. Publishers care about platform and it's more than just being invited to the popular girls' table in the cafeteria. It's a marketing base. It's a branding package. It's the underpinnings to some really successful empires.

2. I am so close to this book. My kind colleague and his wife taught me that. They recently read the manuscript and gave me some keen feedback which is helping me to shape a new iteration of it. Because this book is so intertwined in the fibers of my being, to be perfectly dramatic, I needed some distance from it. I needed some extra eyeballs to help me reshape it. I'm so grateful for their input and for all who have helped me to keep believing.

3. I still believe in this book. When I hear of others struggling through issues in their family or marriage that fall into the bucket of intercultural relationships, my heart starts beating fast.  This is my bag! I want to say, "I have so dealt with something similar," followed by a, "And I hope you enjoy Chapter 4, if only for a laugh about what not to do, courtesy yours truly." I believe there is a captive audience for my book. I believe that there is potential for this book to really bless others and to be a part of some important conversations that have for too long felt too awkward to broach.

So to the question of what's happening with my book: it's gearing up for the sprint home. It's in better shape than it's ever been. It's so ready to break through a publisher's ribbon and to stand in the winner's circle. But first, let me take a selfie.

Walking in Memphis

Memphis is the kind of city that you can fall hard for, and even though it will take a lot of gritty work, you can see a long relationship if you both do your part. Memphis is not like a Charleston or a Malibu or a Newport, the kind of cities that make you swoon, the kind that give you butterflies and the notion that life will always be this easy and beautiful and well-lit. Even though you know it won't, because at some point the vacation ends and real life in that town begins.

Memphis is more like a Detroit or a Cleveland or a Savannah--cities endowed with natural beauty, but which are a little more weathered because of what they've seen. A little less polished because of how they've been treated. But still you know that with a lot of care and investment, this could shape up to be a beautiful love story....

*** I fell hard for Memphis  and I don't care what anyone says. The neighborhoods of Evergreen, Overton Park, Cooper-Young, Midtown rose up to meet me and the sun shone warmly on my back. We scored a great little AirBnB cottage that was perfect for our family of 4. Seriously, fabulous. Message me if you want to know which.

Beale Street enchanted me mid-day.  Graceland ravished me with secrets about the King. Butler Park romanced me, the ducks at the Peabody Hotel enamored me, the National Civil Rights Museum enthralled me, and Muddy's Bakery melted me in every way. The Neighborhood Church still has my kids singing all the songs (shout-out to Meredith--you are SUCH a blessing). The Memphis Zoo is fantastic (really well-manicured and a good number of exhibits--could have done without the bats, reptiles exhibit. Still can't get the smell out of that place from making me viscerally gag. Ack.). I'd like to explore the Main St. area more and I'd definitely like to go back and check out the CMOM and do a tour of St. Jude's.

Overton Park

Looking out at the Mississippi

Exploring Downtown, Main St. 

National Civil Rights Museum at the Lorraine Motel

Muddy's Grind House - recommend everything. The cupcakes were reeedonk.

The beautiful Peabody Hotel and their beloved fine-feathered guests

Memphis has soul, it's been said, and now I understand why. Memphians greet you with wide smiles, open hearts, and quick laughs. Marc Cohn, I get you now, bro. I totally do feel the way you feel.