How to Adopt a Dog in 21 Easy Steps

1. Daydream your entire life about Getting a Dog. (Like DNA for eye color, dream is transferred to offspring (dominant gene)).

2. Promise kids that you will buy them a dog when you move back to Boston, like you are the freaken Obamas moving into the White House and can just bandy about promises like that.

3. Evade questions for first year in Boston about Getting a Dog because you live in an apartment that doesn’t allow dogs (and even the hamster was a stretch).

4. Once moved into canine-friendly quarters, continue to evade questions about Getting a Dog such that if the kids in the backseat of the car even hint at asking a question, quickly change the subject SHAME ABOUT HOW LUNCHABLES AREN’T ON SALE ANYMORE.

5. Begin researching breeders; promptly fall in love with every puppy on breeder’s websites.

6. Realize cost of purchasing puppy from breeder could also send 10 children to space camp every year (via an actual rocket ship) until the end of time.

7. Pivot to looking at rescue shelters.

8. Fill out shelter applications that are tantamount to trying to emancipate a prisoner from a war camp.

9. Learn from Nice Lady at Bus Stop about shelter that is reputable and local.

10. Fill out application and book appointment for visitation to shelter in self-same day.

11. Go as a family of four to “look” at potential puppies.

12. Fall bum over monkeybars in love with all puppies at shelter and begin to deduce how to afford/fit all 28 in backseat of car.

13. Go to PetSmart and Buy All the Puppy Things.

14. Go back to shelter and claim Schuyler the Beautiful Mutt because she seems the most chill.

15. Bring Schuyler home and realize she is chill most of the time and also has an alter-ego, Devil Dog, who chews everything including but not limited to: brand new television remotes, all the zippers on all the hoodies, all the shoelaces on all the shoes, every last shred of your dignity as you become the Loser Lady who Lives Outside with Her Puppy Dog on a Leash.

16. Learn that you should throw out everything you learned about sleep training and potty training small humans; all the sticker charts and all the cry-it-out methods and cloth diapers are obsolete in Puppytown; what you need now are treats. Treats are dogs’ love language. They must all be related to your grandma because they are singularly focused on food. Weird.

17. Lose so much sleep because of tiny dog bladder needs; fear may never experience sessytime with mate again.

18. Train children who begged and pleaded about Getting a Dog that this nippy furry slobbery friend is The Fulfillment of Things Hoped For their entire lives, so stop watching glitter glue slime videos on YouTube and play with the puppy.

19. Start to celebrate landslide victories such as “All morning! FOUR HOURS IN A ROW. No accidents!” and crowning achievements such as, “Gave dog bath [though have not personally showered in four days].”

20. Start to become That Person who asks their dog all kinds of asinine questions twice in a high range that is embarrassing for everyone, “Puppy Want to Find Pee Tree?” except you can’t stop.

21. Feel grateful every day for the Werther’s Original on four legs who rescued you after all these years from not knowing what it was like to Get a Dog.

Update: How I paid for my kid’s camp this year

UPDATE as of June 6, 2019: I just registered one of my children for their first overnight camp experience. I was able to use my Stash piggy bank to pay for 75% of it. If I had put more money away throughout the year, there’s no doubt I would have been able to cover the entire cost. But since it was my first year using Stash, I was more conservative with investing and moving money around between different funds. I think next year I’ll be a bit more bearish, now that I understand how the platform works and how automatic deposits are what work for me to ensure consistent saving. It felt incredibly good to be able to transfer my investments to liquid cash. Since Stash is all about microinvestments, there’s a bit more planning and strategizing than a traditional savings account (sorry if that is a memo from the Dept. of Obvious). It takes at least 2 days for these transactions to take place, so my advice is to give yourself a good week to sift through anything you want to sell so the money will be ready to transfer to your bank when you need it.

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I live at the intersection where Spendthrift Avenue meets Frugal Lane. I live in a humble home built of fickle sticks under a flimsy roof where I have just about the same level of interest in running up credit card bills as I have in stockpiling my savings: about zero. I don't want the stress of dealing with debt nor do I want the long, plodding risk-averse life of being a miser. Whenever I share my lack of interest in Watching Money Work, a well-intended friend asks me if I've heard of Dave Ramsey. I think they are always disappointed that I do know about Dave Ramsey and do listen to his podcast but also that I do really think the (near?) obsessive focus so many Ramsey-ites adopt about their money is off-putting. Even if his methods are proven. Being super money-focused isn't my jam. 

What is my jam is occasionally having fun with my dough. Spending it on others in small little ways that delight. Donating it to an organization I support. Socking away a few bones into my kids' college funds. 

This is why I enjoy the Stash. It's about small, little, measurably consistent ways of saving money, that keeps it fun. To be honest, I don't know that it's the best way or even a wise way to save money, so I'm not putting all my pesos in this one bolso. What I do know is that when I opened my account in May, they gave me $5 to start. And now, at the end of August, I somehow have $100 that I didn't have a few months ago. 

Here's the proof in the pudding. I'm showing you my debits and credits in the account. 

In May, I invested the $5 minimum and ran with it. Invested $30 more of my own. Learned the platform to see how I could maximize my dollars. 

The next month, I invested $20 more. Nothing earth-shattering happened, but I felt good knowing I had a consistent plan to stick some money in a digital drawer that nobody was going to touch. 

In July, I was a big saver and put away another $20. I know. Eat your heart out, Dave Ramsey. 

Last month, I put $10 into Stash, and moved some cash within the account into different stocks.  Each month, I paid between $.50-$1 in fees. 

Three months. I invested roughly $90 of my own money. And now I have $100. I've had fun rolling the dice with some microinvestments and learned a little bit more about the stock market. With Stash, you can invest in a mix of stocks and funds or identify specific companies where you want to send your pocket change. 

Stash has a "Get $5, Give $5" that I'm happy to share here to start your investing fun. 

As I mentioned, this isn't a magical piggy bank, but it's been a motivating force to save that was not all-consuming but actually fun and cultivated helpful habits that I hope to continue. 

8 things am j'adoring

Labor Day weekend presents a variety of opportunities to mow lawns and transition seasonal wardrobes.  Whatever your self-care/soul-care practice, here are a few and sundry things I am enjoying. A couple contain affiliate links, but most are just gratuitous for fun and sharesies. 

1. The Nike Training Club app.

It's free and very functional. It's exactly what I want in an exercise app. I'm doing some kind of 4-week ramp-up regimen right now that makes me sweat a lot while doing a reasonable number of burpees (which may be an oxymoron because when is rising into a jumping jack from plank position ever reasonable (?) But it's very encouraging (the narrator says, "Come on! You've got this!" as if she can read my soul's true feelings about burpees). Most importantly, I don't have to think or tally my reps. I just do what the Nike boss tells me to do. 
 

2. NATIVE Deodorant

Speaking of sweaty betty, this stuff works. The coconut is my favorite, especially since it conjures the smell of being on a tropical beach with an umbrella in your drink when you're just standing still waiting at the bus stop not doing anything besides sweating. 

NATIVE Deodorant

3. LUSH hot oil treatment

I don't think anyone can say "scalp" without starting to itch their own or triggering someone to do the same, so let's not dwell on this too long. Just getchoo some. I was skeptical of a $11 wax lollipop and its powers to treat my hair and scalp but, trust. It works wonders. I've tried the new cinnamon and the hair doctor and I think I like the spicy cinnamon best.

4. Staring at puppies online

Did you know that the application to adopt a puppy is akin to applying to board a major aircraft into outer space? It's really intense. So instead I mostly just stare at puppies online and gather name ideas for someday. 

5. These cute melamine bowls from Anthro
I bought one for my MIL for her birthday because MIL goes to lots of potlucks and it's always nice to bring a pretty pretty with a lid. When I visited MIL, though, she had placed the pretty pretty on her coffee table because she said it was too pretty to stain with kimchi. So there you go. Also, they're on sale! Magnifique. 

6. The Ministry of Ordinary Places by Shannan Martin

I'm on the launch team for Shannan's book because her words are poetry and her heart is golden. And dagnabit if her book cover's not the most darling of book covers for judging. You should probably preorder her book if you feel the tug that maybe you should know your neighbor's name or you need to lay fresh eyes on the ordinariness of the extraordinary little community in which you've been planted. 
 

The Ministry of Ordinary Places

7. Bluprint courses
If you've ever watched a Craftsy video, this is the souped-up version. I'm learning how to embroider and pretending to learn how to quilt. Many of the teachers are funny and the database is pretty comprehensive. Recently when I was learning how to paint a mural, I followed their mural painting tutorial and it saved.the.day. 

Bluprint

8. Dawes "Passwords" album
It took me a few plays to catch on to the vibe since it was such a departure from earlier rockin' albums, but this more subdued, sentimental album is lovely. 

Dawes "Passwords"

What about you? What are you loving these days?