Bossman told me to shut the door to his office and have a seat. "The good news is...this is about the time every year when we hand out bonuses."

He handed me an envelope with a post-it note on the front indicating a monetary number that I assumed to be the amount of the check enclosed. The number was so much higher than I expected, so much higher than I deserved after my less-than-stellar review. I could buy roughly 400 pedicures with that number, the thought occurred to me.

"So what is the bad news?" I asked.

"Oh, no, sorry, that's all the news there is," he said.

Because I am more awkward than the entire cast of "The Office" - both the British and the American versions combined - I started to blush. And because my instincts when I blush are to divert! Divert attention from self immediately! I said to Bossman as he pushed the envelope across his desk to me, "Ah, okay, so I have a logistical question...."

"A logistical question? Okay," said Bossman.

"Um, do you know how to make a legend in Excel?"

I am so awkward. I should really go try to meet a troll under a bridge and see if he's up for early retirement.