Sometimes I am guilty of getting lost in the virtual catacombs of Facebook and minutes turn into half hours as I ogle profiles and try to ascertain whether the faces I am seeing in the albums are indeed the present incarnations of my junior high schoolies (who always impress me with their ability to transcend the 1993 fashion of Umbro shorts and Samba Classics). I am sure I am not the only one guilty of this, in fact, I am fairly certain this is one of the chief motivating factors for creating facebook, along with the other chief purposes: 1.) To allow former classmates, co-workers, and people who lived in Bunk 3 at Camp Holeefolee in 1987 to reconnect with relative ease. 2.) To create something useful to millions of people that will net you bonjillions of dollars all before you graduate from undergrad you brilliant piece of Ivy smartypants. 3.) To cause SAHMs to feel even more guilt than they already do for spending time on the internet. Joining groups like "Stroller Discrimination Hurts All of Us."
Lately, I've been thrilled to reconnect with several of my junior high schoolies and it's fun to wax nostalgic about the daze of polyester skirts and peanut butter sammies, but part of me still sees these exchanges through the narrow scope of pain that junior high entailed. And while it's fabulous to have that lad whose yearbook message, penned so thoughtfully, "Student Council was fun, have a great summer!" which I read four times a day during that great summer as if one day the words were going to change and suddenly say "And I'm sorry we weren't better friends, because I always thought you were the coolest girl in class, will you marry me?" -- I just can't help but think:
a. My knockers weren't big enough for you to talk to me then, why are you e-friending me now? b. Are you looking at the pictures of me pregnant and wondering where I got those big knockers? c. Is the fact that I have big nursing knockers part of the reason you are e-friending me now?
I just can't help but wonder. I guess that is why it is called facebook and not philosophacebook.